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In the heat of the 2024 baseball season, this team could win the World Series, if it weren’t for their batting, fielding, running, and pitching.
“Well, this team is just a gem,” announced ESPN announcer Hurley McKinnon in the team’s home game against their league rival, boasting a 10-43 win-loss record. “They achieved their ninth loss in a row last night against the Mariners, which is a franchise record, and their bats are cold as rocks. But golly, this team has fighting spirit, and I’ll be darned if they don’t make the fall classic later in the year.”
“The team’s error count is at 34, which leads the league by an immense margin,” continued McKinnon as the team bobbled fly balls and whiffed little-league speed fastballs in the background. “But when I say this is their time, I mean it. We have some star players here, and the synergy between this team—and this energy is electric!—will take them all the way to the top.”
“Their pitching roster is finding it impossible to throw more than two strikes in a row,” sighed McKinnon as the team somehow trailed behind their rival 11-0, “but I sense a hot streak from them soon. Just you wait.”
At press time, a theater troupe could win a Tony if it wasn’t for their singing, dancing, and acting.
