The Brown Noser

Arts & Culture

Report: British Singer Sounds Normal When Singing | May 03 2024

According to concert goers at Loose Change’s most recent performance, British lead singer Mitch McGrist sounded normal when singing. “Mitch sounded good out there. I was a bit worried going in but luckily things went smoothly,” said Loose Change’s manager, Eve Mann, relieved to hear Mitch’s voice sounded absolutely ordinary while he crooned away on stage, despite the singer’s heavy Cockney accent.

Denis Villeneuve Reports Warner Bros. Rejected Original Title Of “Dune 2: 2 Dune 2 Handle” | May 03 2024

Despite the commercial success of “Dune: Part Two,” in a recent interview, Denis Villeneuve lamented that Warner Bros. had rejected his original proposed title of “Dune 2: 2 Dune 2 Handle.” “It’s 2 bad, because I really thought that we had a winner in that title.

I Might Consider Watching More Owen Wilson Movies If He Stopped Shitting On My Porch | May 03 2024

Owen Wilson just took another shit on my porch, and if he wants me to start watching more of his movies, he might consider stopping doing that. Look, everyone’s talking about all these Owen Wilson movies I need to see, but I’m not gonna start watching them until he stops sneaking onto my porch in the middle of the night and quietly pooping on my doorstep and I’m not afraid to say it.

"Love Is Blind" Betroths Man With Smooth Talking Horse | May 03 2024

Netflix’s flagship reality romance show “Love Is Blind” just wrapped up their sixth season, betrothing man, Jake, with charismatic Clydesdale, Dakota. “We created this show to give our single audience hope, to show them what dating can look like without shallow physical beauty standards,” said Executive Producer Elizabeth Mann, holding out an open palm full of hay to an eager Dakota.

Controversial Beatboxer Goes Even Further, Saying He Thinks Women Shouldn’t Expect Btss-Tss-Kch-Tss-Tss Unless They Boom-Cat-Cat-Boom-Cat | May 03 2024

According to reports, controversial beatboxer Bernie “The Fish” Brandt has just doubled down on his prior statements, adding that he thinks “Women Shouldn’t Expect Btss-Tss-Kch-Tss-Tss Unless They Boom-Cat-Cat-Boom-Cat. “I’m not going to allow the media to censor me for speaking the truth.,” said Brandt, emphatically, while wearing a sideways hat, holding his hand over his mouth, and bobbing his other arm out from side to side.

Film Critic Claiming Horror Movie Was About Grief Clearly Missed The Scary Monster That Kills People | Mar 15 2024

Recent comments from a film critic about a horror movie’s themes of grief clearly show he missed the scary monster that kills people. “The film expertly delivers a heart-wrenching display of the grief and guilt of losing a loved one,” said film critic Brendon Moutes, completely missing the grotesque, man-devouring swamp monster that the movie was clearly about.

Medieval Monk Drawing Baby Jesus Clearly Never Saw A Baby Before | Mar 15 2024

Tasked with depicting the Madonna and Child, Monk Bartholow’s drawing is making it obvious that he has never seen a baby before in his entire life. “I have seen so many children,” insisted Bartholow while shading baby Jesus’ swole six pack in a misguided effort to make a more realistic looking infant.

Report: Podcast Guest Also Has Podcast | Mar 15 2024

According to the introduction of the most recent episode of the podcast “Crime Ever After,” it sounds like this podcast guest also has their own podcast. “We’re so excited Jessie is here to talk to us today about a story she’s been talking about for a while now,” exclaimed host Abigail Bridges, giving the floor to her guest that episode, who plans to just say all the things she already said on her podcast, again, on this podcast.

Oscars Recovering From Racism With Thoughtfully Selected Sexism | Mar 15 2024

The 2024 Academy Awards have announced a move to recover from a longstanding tradition of racism with thoughtfully selected sexism. “As a top institution in the entertainment industry, we acknowledge the harm that our racist legacy has caused on creators of color throughout history, and we intend to not only fix this injustice but commit another injustice in its place,” said Academy CEO Bill Kramer, encouraging all female creators to be courteously removed from consideration in racial solidarity.

Dad’s Favorite Buddy Comedy Hint At Bisexuality | Feb 16 2024

At Friday’s family movie night, Dad’s enthusiastic screening of his favorite buddy comedy “Hitchhikers” hints that he is probably bisexual. “That kind of close male relationship isn’t heard of these days,” said Dad, longingly fixed on the screen as two queer-coded male leads tussle in a corn field, suggesting Dad could be attracted to men.“Boy do I miss roughin’ it up with the boys like that.