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The Brown Noser

Girl Carrying Heavy Box Worried It Will Set Precedent

Published Friday, May 3rd, 2024

Girl carrying a heavy box in public is really worried it will set a precedent moving forward.

“I just don’t want anyone thinking I enjoy it,” said Sheila Ment, lugging a new air purifier from the mail room. “I do this because I have to, y’know. Because nobody else will. I mean, I’ve got plenty of heavy boxes that need moving! I worry that because I’m doing such a great job carrying this one, everybody will assume I like it or something!” Concerned about the future, Sheila continued, “Just because I’ll survive this doesn’t mean I want people to come knocking when they need help moving in.”

“I just worry about what happens if this news gets out,” Sheila lamented, huffing and puffing. “‘Sheila’s so strong!’ they’ll say. ‘Sheila’s a great person to call on when you need some heavy lifting.’ I most certainly am not. This seriously cannot happen again! I’m all for feminism, but my goddamn back hurts.”

At press time, man enjoying being little spoon worried it will set a cuddling precedent.

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